I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
