Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
