why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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