There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Randomize
