FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
