so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
