Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Drunk is a universal language darling
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
