Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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