OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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