this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just had sex on a roof
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
