Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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