i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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