he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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