I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
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