Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
