??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
