just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
