I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
