Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We were destined to go to rehab together
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
