Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm experimenting with sincerity
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
