I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
