Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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