Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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