Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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