I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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