I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
