Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
