so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
