of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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