Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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