dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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