Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
