I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Randomize
