Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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