before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
