if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
