Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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