I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You can't just leave with hair like that
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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