Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
