Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
