Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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