Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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