They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
And the cops told us we were all naked.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
