sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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