Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
