i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
tell your sister to shave her snatch
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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