so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
