I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
