hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
