imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
sarcasm needs its own font
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
ok first of all what the fuck
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
