Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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