He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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