she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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