She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
