His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
