If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
