Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
